I got the most wonderful message from a collector this week that so perfectly encapsulated my heart's desire pertaining to my work, that I wanted to share it. This is why I do what I do! " You have created so much beauty for our home. We get so many wonderful comments about your art. But the best part is the way you have helped us create a special feeling in our home. We both are so grateful. " My heart is full!! Thank you to all of my friends, supporters and collectors! I have a collector and friend who asked me to do a painting of the Kirkwood train station. Built in 1893, the train station has been the heart of the first suburb of St. Louis. When I'm there, I can't help but think of the people who stopped there for the 1904 World's Fair, parent's and families who saw their boys off to the World wars, and the fortunate ones who welcomed them home. It's a beautiful old station, and as a resident of the amazing Kirkwood community for 15 years and a little bit of a history buff, it has been my pleasure to paint the majestic old building. I just got back from participating in the Augusta MO Plein Air painting festival the past week and this was my first year to actually participate more than one day. Usually, I pop in for a paint out, pop in for a workshop a different day, and maybe do one or two more paint outs. This was also the first year I framed my paintings for judging at the end of each paint out. The festival is set up so that there are one or two painting locations each day out in the Missouri wine country. They are timed events, usually about 3-4 hours each. You find your scene, paint a painting in the wind, rain, sun- or sometimes all three- come in, frame your piece, and hang it up to be judged This goes on for 10 days, and let me tell you, the people that do this for real on a regular basis are nothing short of Bad Ass Art Heroes in my book. They come from all over the country with their frames, painting supplies, easels, canvases or paper, umbrellas, lights, bottles of water and snacks prepared for the duration- 10 days. They paint every day, all day, lugging around all of their gear from one spot to another. They slather sunscreen, watch for ticks, get very little sleep, not optimal nutrition, and everyone gets dehydrated and has a case of allergies at least one day. The lovely people of Augusta open their homes to artists and the event coordinators have lunch or dinner provided each day . They truly do a wonderful job for the festival. So this year I decided to try participating in successive days and really going "all in" - Which means paint days in a row instead of dropping in, framing my pieces and putting them up for judging. It's intimidating to put yourself in a place where you feel like you're an amateur in your chosen profession, and if anything can make you feel like that, it is plein air painting, and watercolor in plein air has it's own unique set of challenges. It is much safer for me to stay in my studio where I feel confident in my painting routine, a big part of what I love about watercolor is it's instantaneous feel- like the light and objects splashed themselves onto the paper- leaving the viewer to discover the essence and magic that is in the scene. And these plein air artists who I revere know how to do that. I want to soak that up, see their process and assimilate new understanding into my painting. So plein air for me is still at that uncomfortable stage, with a desire and motivation to learn more. Some inner drive forces me to go and practice this kind of painting. If Van Gogh could wear candles in his hat and Georgia could live in the back of her model A in the desert to paint outside, I can do it too! You know what happens when you put yourself in a position where you feel uncomfortable? You become vulnerable to all kinds of self-defeating thoughts. Here are some of the literal thoughts that go through my head: "I am painting total crap out here" "If I frame this and put it up, I will look like an amateur" "I don't fit in here, what do I think I'm doing here?" "Burn it before anyone sees" "This is impossible!!" " I'm wasting time I could be using to paint in my studio" "This is a waste of time and money and everything hurts, my lips are chapped and I have windburn. I'll probably get Lyme disease" "This feels like I'm polishing a turd" "I should be home painting in studio ,taking care of the house, dogs, seeing my parents, doing laundry, getting groceries-fill in the blank." "I am wasting gas money" "Look at all the 20 year olds- that's when I should have started this, I'm too old " "Look at the artists my age, they are pros at this" "I didn't win a ribbon, I will never succeed in this" "Go Home" Yes really. Every single one of those and more float across my mind until I can shift and tell myself what I know is the TRUTH- which is: 1. " I am putting myself in an uncomfortable position to become better" 2. " This allows me to feel the way my watercolor students feel when they are learning new skills" 3. "I have chosen to do this because I want to expand my grasp of the methods and techniques of watercolor to become a better artist." 4. " I am so blessed to be able to come to a beautiful place and paint!" 5. "Painting out here is about process, not the outcome. The paintings are valuable because of the lessons I learn from each one" I went to about 8 of the paint outs and stayed successive days. Paint, eat, paint, sleep, paint, eat, paint, sleep. I put up my easel next to artists who I knew were pros at this. I framed at least 5 pieces for judging. I did all of this and I learned so much. I felt myself understanding and applying concepts that I had not been successful at before. I not only didn't feel like burning all of my work, but I also actually liked some pieces and was happy with them. I learned that even when a painting wasn't successful, I learned something from it. Even more so than I learned from the successful paintings. I learned that I was not the only one who felt like an amateur, that even the best painters don't have winning paintings every day, and that it was SO very worth every minute that I invested out there learning, painting, thinking and observing. Part of truly being an artist means your ego has to take a hike and become secondary to the work. When we put ourselves in the position of being an amateur, that's when we remember how to be an artist- how to look at things in different ways, experiment, and try things we have not yet mastered, so that we expand, grow, and become accustomed to not knowing all the answers, but being willing to occupy that space for awhile and learn. I think there is a big life lesson there and I'm so thankful to still be able to learn it! With love and gratitude-- Go try that hard thing- you won't regret it! Gretchen The Mediterranean has the color of mackerel, changeable I mean. You don't always know if it is green or violet, you can't even say it's blue, because the next moment the changing reflection has taken on a tint of rose or gray. - Vincent Van Gogh I feel Vincent here- Not in the Mediterranean- (maybe someday) but in Missouri, or Illinois, Kansas, Colorado, the Pacific Northwest, Texas, Florida and New Mexico. I have painted in all of these places and each one has their own specific light. The same colors in an oak tree look different depending on where you are painting them. And not only the location, but the season, time of day, and weather all affect color so drastically that if you painted the same tree every day for a year, you would see that tree very differently- as a living organism, a changeling or chameleon. I'm getting ready to do the Augusta Plein Air event and it has me thinking about the way an artist must look at the world. When I teach drawing, I say to draw what you see, not what you THINK you see. Betty Edwards book "Drawing on the right side of the brain" teaches all about this. Because we have formed symbols in our heads since we were children and first learned to categorize the world. We stopped "seeing" essentially to create a linear system in our brains so that we could comprehend the world more logically. Everyone is happy when the 4-year-old draws a tree or a face. We draw the symbol for a tree- a green circle and a brown trunk, or a circle with two eyes, nose and mouth. These symbols only become a problem once we try to draw realistically. We are stumped and our brains work against us. Proportions, values, foreshortening are all conundrums that we are forced to solve. And the only way to solve them is to retrain our brains to really see what we are looking at. We have to bypass our logical, neatly categorized brain to do this. It takes practice. And it is the same with colors. Colors are affected by everything. We are literally looking out on a prism every day and no color follows the rules!! Greens can take on violet, turquoise, yellow, or pink in a single day. But that's what makes it fun, and different every single time you go out into the sunlight and paint. It also makes it difficult, but I am learning to try to embrace that as I continue to learn and grow as an artist. It's really not a bad lesson to apply to every part of our lives - Challenging what we think we know- allowing openness, growth, and the ability to change our minds as we look at the world around us in a new light. Thanks for reading- With love and gratitude always for you- Gretchen "Children of the world" watercolor seriesPainting a little musician this rainy, cold April morning. He will be a part of my "Children of the World" series.
"Morning Rx"It's a beautiful spring morning and my brain is full. I have this thing- maybe it's an artist thing, maybe it's being a woman- mom, wife, bill keeper, housekeeper, grocery shopper, meal maker, dogwalker, etc. Maybe it's the A.D.D. I've long suspected. Whatever it is, it makes my brain full to the brim with ideas, solving problems, inspiration, more great ideas, projects, epiphanies, etc... And usually, it all happens at once so, I have 8 or 20 things going on at once. This morning it's taxes, writing a blog, bill paying, journaling, yoga, washing rugs, sending emails, updating website, painting, taking photos for paintings, talking to the nurse about my mom and dad, getting a painting ready to take to a show, baking a low-calorie cheesecake. Now I have completed the journaling, bill paying, yoga, washing the rugs, the conversation with the nurse and the cheesecake(why yes cheesecake is a priority!). All the rest are in the unfinished state and will be dancing in the back of my brain like children jumping up and yelling "hey mom!" until the end of the day. It's worse today than some days, maybe because the spring weather, rainy day and forsythia blossoms give me extra energy and excitement. Maybe as nature bursts forth and the season comes alive, I want to do the same . Or, it may be a little coping mechanism to turn to the inward garden of creativity partially closing out the news and noise of the world. Or, it could be because my husband switched out my half caff. coffee for fully caffeinated...... At any rate, it is time to slow down my insane monkey brain and assess what I can actually accomplish completely today. I am going to make myself a cup of tea, with some milk, and take a breath . Thanks for letting me talk today, it helped. Here are some ideas for myself and maybe you could use them too. Ideas to bring more peace and joy into our days (even when there is bad news everywhere)
That's it. We've got this! Let me know in the comments what your strategies are. I can use all I can get! With love and gratitude - Gretchen Take the quiz below and sign up for a FREE print!
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Last week I was on a roll. So excited to have finished a month of painting each day, so excited to be painting portraits in February because they were going really well. I was excited for snow and using my 4-wheel drive. Thankful for my blessings. In fact, when my bible app verse came up on February 3rd, and it was "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted", it just felt strangely out of place. I was not in that headspace- and was enjoying it. I FELT blessed! But saying that we are blessed when we mourn or in difficult circumstances and feeling hopeless, hit me as something I needed to process, and I prayed for those who were feeling pain when I was feeling so joyful and hopeful at the moment. I like feeling "blessed". I'm not sure I have felt "blessed" in the circumstances these verses speak of. That night, after a kind of perfect day, we let our dogs out for the last time before bed - an after-thought in case they needed to go quickly because there was a snowstorm, and it was freezing. Within 30 seconds of letting them out, my favorite pup, my companion and little shadow, Scout, was attacked and fatally injured by our elderly neighbor's dog who had pulled away from her and was in our yard. We had never even seen the dog before, other than in it's fenced back yard. I wrapped my beloved baby pup up and we drove through the storm, singing our "Scout " song, one Gary sang to her every day - to an emergency animal clinic 15 minutes away. We drove back that night in shock without the little incredible spark of life that had given us pure joy, love and happiness every single day for 7 years. That February day 7 years ago, my daughter and I had walked into a pet store to buy crickets for our gecko, Gus, saw the cutest puppy we had ever seen- the runt of a littler of rescue puppies- and picked her up. This tiny creature laid her head on my shoulder and stayed there. I never put her down. It was very clear, she was OUR DOG. It was not a choice, she was one of us. We bought her and brought her home. I have been in mourning for this incredible little bundle of blessings that we have loved and treasured for 7 years. She gave each of us in the family exactly what we needed. She just knew. She was my studio companion and walking companion and get up to greet the day sunshine girl. I miss her with my whole heart, everything about her. And God is faithful, and I am finding a little more comfort and crying a little less most days. I see signs of her everywhere. I'm thankful for the gift of her, I just expected her to be here so much longer. This portrait was started in joy- chosen for the light and shadows in the face. It was finished in deep grief, I think what came through this portrait in the end- not consciously- was our human vulnerability, which we all share in this life. It was one of my Scout's final gifts to me. This portrait is a prayer that you are blessed today in whatever place you find yourself in. We are all connected through pain and joy and suffering in this life, and God promises us we are blessed in the worst of times and that he will give us hope and comfort and his presence in all circumstances. I hope that we all remember this, and feel His love today. I turned 51 last month, moved to a new house in a new town, and basically am empty nesting it these days. With all of the big life changes, my emotions, reflections, and thoughts about life have been sort of all over the place lately.
When my car got stolen last August, it was the worst time possible to buy a car. As I thought about buying a car, I started thinking about a Jeep. Now I always do this. I ALWAYS test drive jeeps if I'm looking for a car. Then talk myself out of it and buy a "sensible" car. But this time felt different. I was going to have to wait 3 or 4 months, and by the time I got the new one, I would be " IN" my 50's. And for crying out loud, my Kia Soul was stolen... Maybe the universe was trying to tell me I needed a Jeep. So I got one. And yes, it may be a midlife crisis, but I don't care!! She's blue, a manual, canvas top, FRICKING AMAZING Jeep.. I love going anywhere and everywhere in her. I cannot wait to try out the four wheel drive and go off roading to find that perfect spot to paint when it warms up. As I was thinking about what to name my blue girl, I thought of another woman who took off across the countryside with her paints and canvases. Georgia O'Keefe.. In fact, two years ago I went on a solo trip from Missouri to Ghost Ranch in New Mexico , to see the landscapes she painted for myself. Read it here. Georgia would take off in her model A Ford, camp out under the stars and paint all day in the sun. If it rained, she propped up a canvas. She's my hero. But not only because of that. She was a child born in the 19th century, to a mother who told her she was so ugly she should go to the back room when guests came. She announced at age 10 she would become an artist. She broke all of the rules , suffered disillusionment and heartache along the way, but came to find herself and her art in a landscape that she would study and draw and paint for 50 years. I decided to paint Georgia O'Keefe as my first portrait this month. As I painted the lines of her face, I became aware that I was actually painting a landscape of her life, in a sense, through that beautiful face. From the shamed child, to the west Texas teacher, to the celebrated N.Y.C. artist and partner of Alfred Steiglitz. And finally to the woman who took off in her model A in search of beauty. All of those things that make up a life, that make a person truly beautiful. Found in wrinkles, white hair, and eyes that still hold all the light. I like seeing those things come alive through the paint. It's what I love truly love about doing portraiture. Oh, and I named my Jeep Georgia Blue. |
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