We all have them- the jagged things that take up space in our hearts and souls but are never taken out into the light.
The lie we tell ourselves that we are abnormal because we deal with the ugliness of dark secrets and nightmares and put on our smiling face to meet the world each day.
But these monsters grow without light and air. They whisper to keep them quiet and safe, but instead use darkness to feed off of the soul.
Whispers that you are not good enough, that you are not worthy to have a good life, you will never find the hope and happiness you want. They tell you that your sins and mistakes are too big to overcome and that you are a disappointment. They are a vast pool of darkness and death that begs to be drowned out by any means, just to survive another day.
And drowning their voices out only works for a while.
Afterwards, in the disorienting reality of waking up, they are louder, waking nightmares now.
These are the lies. Don't believe them.
The truth is the light. And if you can't manage much at first, if it is too painful to see, then just a pinhole, a shaft of light, will help.
Concentrate with all of your might on that light - where you remember the beauty in your life. The blessings. And your monsters will tell you that you have been passed over by blessings but don't believe them. They are liars.
You have known love and been cared for by family, known good friends, laughter and carefree days. You have known the blessing of a child or two, receptacles of the purest love humans know. You have known cottonwood trees and fields of gold and blue skies with beautiful clouds floating by. Childhood dreams and the blessings of a thousand days and nights of memories and love.
Let that small shaft of light begin to illuminate the gratitude that has been beaten to the back of your beautiful soul.
It will not be rushed.
One pinprick of light at a time.
Breath in the light and gratitude deeply,
Know the height and breadth and depth by which you are loved - by the one who created you and by all of those who stand by you and with you now and each day you are on earth. Through the ugliness and the darkness and on the other side where there is light and hope. We will form a human chain for you. You are not alone. You can come into the light and be loved.